Broke & Lonely

I have a girlfriend who would say, "broke is  lonely place". And she's right, broke is a very lonely place and its not because you don't have friends. It's because being broke holds you hostage. Hostage from friends, family, your peers and your community. It's not just about having money; its about all that not having money prevents you from. I'm not talking about shopping sprees and dinners out. I'm talking about being held hostage from being able to work because you can't even afford to take the bus to work. Hostage from food because you have to choose between getting to work or buying groceries. Hostage in your home because you can't afford to visit family, have coffee with a friend or colleague because $2, to spend on getting there or drinking that, is way out of your budget. Hostage from outside activities because being broke has you feeling like a failure (a failure with a masters degree). Overwhelmed by the thought of explaining to people that you are trying very hard to make your life work but feeling stuck, abandoned and completely alone while doing so. Not because you don't have people who want to help, and those that don't, but really because you're in disbelief that this is your life.

This is happening to you and you are held hostage in this experience. You feel like a hostage in your home, in your head, in your heart because its nobody's responsibility to pay your bills, buy you groceries, give you some financial security, but you! But this year, this season...broke is where you are. So, this lonely place...you know, broke, consumes your every thought, everyday, about how to break free from this situation. Everyday, you work hard, budget, plan and pray that you will be free from self doubt, free from being sad, free from this hostage situation, free from being broke!

Being broke can be really cathartic, in some instances. Lots of time to think, pray, plan but most importantly, be clear about who's not around, who doesn't call you or answer when you call. Clear about the hostage situation and how it brings everthing into perspective. Not everyone is rooting for you to be great, some aren't rooting for your failure, but they could care less about anything that's going on with you. That's ok because....there's nothing you can do about that. But let's be clear, support can be one sided...prepare for that even when you expect something different.

So, is there truth in my friends statement that broke is a lonely place? Maybe, as it will be very hard to answer, understand or identify with it until you are you are broke.

~Felicia