Learning

Its always been said that learning never stops. Everyday we all learn something new from colleagues, friends, family & most importantly, life. In 2016, social media has uncreased the speed by which things that we learn, are delivered/acquired/presented. An example of that would be how I learned about natural hair; how to manage it, take care of it, wash it, dry it, moisturize it and style it. I learned by bing watching hundreds of YouTube videos, from people all over the globe. From friends, I've learned to be more understanding and be there when you've predicted the worst would come. How being there is more important than the "I told ya' so". From colleagues, I've learned that everyone isn't excited to see you succeed; most are waiting on your failure so that they can "win".

What I've learned from family, is that not all use this term to signal that blood is thicker than water. My experience has shown me that my best support,  guidance, words of encouragement, loyalty and love was not received from family. As I began to redifne what family is and who made up "my family", I realized that it was not the person(s) that share my chromosomes. Don't feel bad for me, actually, be excited that I've learned this in time to enjoy those that really are looking to see me win....big. People who genuinely see how hard I work, how much I care and know that it all comes from the heart, are the ones that matter.

Now, I'm not saying that I've not had some interesting experiences from those I thought were my friends; that was part of the lesson. Learning to discern the real from the bullshit, is where the rubber meets the road. By the time you get to your mid to late 30's, the bullshit gets much easier to identify. You see it before " it" even gets close, because you've learned from that feeling of hurt and betrayal from the past. Here's an example: I had a friend that went through some really hard times emotionally, financially and at times, physiologically. I was there for all of it. I listened to the same stories, reasonings and theories for why, how and who. I took every call, for any reason, at all hours. She talked about suicide and began to make plans and we talked and laughed through it, really laughed because, I needed more time with her. I wanted a break from her depression because it was wearing on me but I couldn't refuse her calls. She needed to talk it through, rehash her steps, get to her breakthrough and find a reason to move forward. Her "friends" stop taking her calls, stopped being there, paused their friendship when she needed it most, but not me. I encouraged her to rethink her next step, I told her she was worthy of the best in life and that it was within reach, during a time that my life was falling apart. I believed in her and I was determined to ensure she believed in herself. I never paused or gave a second thought to helping...never! Long story short, I supported her, emotionally and sometimes, financially, opting to help pay for her to take a course towards a certified designation....she did it and her world opened up beautifully. Here's the turn, the moment I needed her and I asked for her help her words to me were, "I'll see and let you know"...BOOM! I cried! I needed her and she had to think about if she'd help me! Me! Wow, that was eye opening.

We are all grown and I know that grown people can do whatever they want 🎶, like Beyonce's song. I respect that but I was not prepared to experience my friend, tell me, ....wow! Anyway, I'm over it and I've learned more about me from that experience. More about my own strength, resilience, courage & value. I've learned that learning never stops. People, places, things and experiencees can teach you so much. It isn't designed to teach you about those people places and things, its designed to help you learn all about you, the real you! I must admit, while it can be the most hurtful lesson to learn, I know I'm so much better for it, aaannnnd, you will be too.

~Felicia